Dating can be exciting, hope-filled, and even life-changing. But let’s be real—dating can also be draining, confusing, and disappointing if you keep choosing the wrong people. Whether you’re newly single or have been navigating the dating pool for years, one truth remains: who you date shapes your destiny.
As a person of faith who believes in intentionality, purpose, and emotional health, you can’t afford to waste time with people who are clearly wrong for your future. This post is your wake-up call—and your blueprint.
Let’s talk about the 5 types of people you should absolutely avoid if you’re serious about love, wholeness, and building a lasting relationship.
1. The Emotionally Unavailable
They’re charming. They’re fun. They might even love-bomb you at the start. But when it comes to real intimacy—emotional connection, vulnerability, consistency—they disappear.
🚩Red Flags:
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Avoids deep conversations
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Has a “guarded” or “closed off” nature
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Often says, “I’m just not good at talking about feelings”
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Keeps you guessing about where you stand
Expert Insight:
“Emotional availability is the cornerstone of any healthy romantic relationship. Without it, you’re stuck in a one-sided connection that will never grow.” — Dr. Henry Cloud, clinical psychologist and author of “Boundaries in Dating”
🛑 Why You Should Avoid Them:
You’re not here to convince someone to open their heart—you’re looking for someone whose heart is already open to the right relationship. An emotionally unavailable person will leave you starving for affection, clarity, and peace.
✅ Faith-Based Takeaway:
Guard your heart (Proverbs 4:23) doesn’t mean you build walls, but it does mean you protect your peace. You deserve someone who’s emotionally present, not emotionally absent.
2. The Constant Victim
This person never takes responsibility. Life is always happening to them—never because of their choices. Every ex was “crazy,” every setback is someone else’s fault, and they expect you to be their personal therapist.
🚩Red Flags:
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Constant complaints without solutions
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Blames others for all relationship failures
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Refuses to take ownership of behavior
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Plays the sympathy card to avoid accountability
Expert Insight:
“People who live in victim mode will drain your emotional energy and shift the blame onto others, creating toxic dynamics in dating.” — Dr. Nedra Glover Tawwab, licensed therapist and boundaries expert
🛑 Why You Should Avoid Them:
Dating a chronic victim is like signing up for a lifelong counseling session you didn’t agree to. Their inability to own their mistakes will eventually make you the villain in their story.
✅ Faith-Based Takeaway:
True love requires humility. Godly relationships grow where there is confession, repentance, and accountability—not blame-shifting and self-pity.
3. The Identity Chameleon
At first, they seem perfect. But give it time—and you’ll realize they shape-shift based on who they’re around. They agree with everything you say. They adapt to impress. But eventually, their true (and inconsistent) identity starts to show.
🚩Red Flags:
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Says what you want to hear instead of what they actually believe
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Has no strong convictions or values of their own
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Constantly changes interests or friend groups to “fit in”
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Lacks consistency in how they show up
Expert Insight:
“When someone doesn’t know who they are, they will mirror others for approval. That insecurity leads to emotional instability in relationships.” — Dr. Thema Bryant, President of the American Psychological Association
🛑 Why You Should Avoid Them:
Dating someone who doesn’t know themselves will make it impossible to build something real. You can’t build a future on a foundation that shifts with the wind.
✅ Faith-Based Takeaway:
Before you can become “one” with someone else, they need to know who they are in Christ. Authenticity is the soil where love grows.
4. The “Fixer-Upper” Project
This person has potential. But that’s the problem—it’s all potential. You find yourself constantly pouring, praying, and pushing for them to level up, but they remain stagnant.
You’re not dating a partner—you’re raising a grown adult.
🚩Red Flags:
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Unmotivated or lacks purpose
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Consistently underachieving
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Relies on you for direction or decisions
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Refuses to work on personal growth
Expert Insight:
“It’s not your job to rescue someone who refuses to rescue themselves. Dating is about partnership, not parenting.” — Matthew Hussey, relationship coach and author
🛑 Why You Should Avoid Them:
Your love can’t build someone’s self-worth or ambition. If they’re not committed to their own growth, you’ll end up exhausted trying to “save” someone who doesn’t want saving.
✅ Faith-Based Takeaway:
Yes, love is patient and kind. But love is also wise. Don’t confuse compassion with compatibility. You can pray for someone and still walk away.
5. The Spiritually Shallow
They might say they “believe in God,” but there’s no fruit. No spiritual hunger. No character growth. They talk faith but live in compromise—and it shows in how they love (or don’t love) you.
🚩Red Flags:
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Talks about faith but doesn’t walk it
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Shows little interest in growing spiritually
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Prioritizes pleasure over purpose
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Doesn’t pray, seek God, or align their life with their values
Expert Insight:
“Spiritual alignment is critical in relationships. Without it, couples struggle to find shared purpose, values, and direction.” — Dr. Gary Chapman, author of “The 5 Love Languages”
🛑 Why You Should Avoid Them:
A relationship that’s unequally yoked (2 Corinthians 6:14) will eventually lead to compromise—or heartbreak. If you’re serious about your spiritual walk, don’t date someone who treats it like an accessory.
✅ Faith-Based Takeaway:
Don’t settle for someone who has a form of godliness but denies its power (2 Timothy 3:5). Real love honors God. Choose someone who helps you grow deeper in faith, not drift away from it.
Practical Takeaways: How to Apply This In Real Life
Let’s make this real. Here are simple, actionable ways to date wisely and avoid these relationship traps:
1. Ask Better Questions Early On
Get past surface-level small talk. Ask about values, faith, goals, and emotional habits. Don’t be afraid to dig deep—your future is worth it.
2. Observe, Don’t Excuse
People show you who they are. Believe their patterns, not just their potential. Don’t get caught up in “fixing” someone.
3. Set Clear Boundaries
Boundaries are love in action. If someone keeps crossing the line—emotionally, spiritually, or relationally—walk away.
4. Trust the Fruit, Not Just the Vibe
Attraction fades, but character stays. Look for consistent fruit: peace, patience, faithfulness, self-control, etc. (Galatians 5:22–23).
5. Pray for Discernment
Even if you’re not overly spiritual, involving God in your dating decisions brings peace. Ask Him to reveal red flags, and He will.
Final Thoughts: You Deserve Real, Healthy Love
Here’s the truth: You don’t need to date everyone to find the right one. You just need to be wise about who you allow into your life, heart, and future.
Avoiding the wrong people opens space for the right person. And when you’re clear about your worth, your vision, and your values—you stop settling and start attracting what aligns.
So the next time someone new shows up in your DMs or asks for your number at a coffee shop, ask yourself this:
Do they carry peace or confusion? Growth or drama? Faith or performance?
Love is a sacred thing. And when you protect it with wisdom, discernment, and courage—you position yourself to receive the kind of relationship that’s not just good for you, but God’s best for you.
📌 Save This Post, Share It With Your Friends, and Start Dating Smarter.
Because love shouldn’t drain you. It should grow you.
